The 15 Stages Of Swimsuit Shopping

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Ready or not, swimsuit season is right around the corner– are you ready?  If you’ve already purchased 15 bathing suits or if you’re secretly hoping for a way out…here’s what every girl goes through when searching for a perfect suit.  Here are the 15 stages of swimsuit shopping.

1. Some “friend” reminds you that bikini season is coming up, and it’s time to go shopping!!! Yay!

Yay….not.  You’ve never been one to be thrilled at having your body on display in public when it looks the way it does.

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2. You fake like you’re excited

“OMG– this will be so much fun! We can find all the totes adorbs swimsuits out there!”

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3. You tell yourself it won’t be so bad

*It’s going to be fine.  You look great.  No one will even be looking at you.  It’s totally ok…*

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4. But then you remember what you actually look like in a swimsuit…which is not good

Yikes.  I need to do something about this.  Otherwise, I’ll end up looking like Jim Carrey in a man suit. suit12


5. You drag yourself to the gym, cursing the whole time that you should have been spending time there months ago

This is doing nothing but making my buns tired.

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6. You contemplate the benefits of trying a new fad diet

*I could go on a diet….that shouldn’t be too difficult.*

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7. But you remember how much you love to eat and then decide a diet will do no good

What do you mean I can’t have bread, pasta, rice, gluten, protein, carbohydrates or toxins.  What am I supposed to eat?!?

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8. You think of excuses why you can’t go to the beach this summer

“I’m afraid of getting skin cancer….I’m allergic to sand…I have a deep and secret fear of towels…”

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9. ….buuuut your friends always know when you’re lying

You can’t lie to them to save your life.  It’s never gonna happen.

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10. So, you go and try on almost one million tops and bottoms

Even putting the bottoms over your underwear and feeling like a fool.  Go ahead salespeople, judge away.

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11. Until something glorious happens and you actually LIKE one of them.

*Oh my gosh, that’s it.  That’s the one.  This is the suit that’s going to take me through the summer. I just know it.*

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12. Your faith in EVERYTHING is restored

And for the first time since this whole summer business began, you feel READY.  You can do this.  You can SO do this.

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13. You buy that one lucky suit, take her home, and put her in the underwear drawer with all of last season’s bikinis.

Because, unlike some of the others, you’re totally going to use this suit.  You just know it.

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14. Then summer rolls around, and it’s time to put that bikini to use.

It’s so hot outside, everyone wants to go to the beach or the lake and I’m over here like, “uh, what’s summer again?”

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15. You suddenly feel like crawling in a hole and don’t really want to wear that swimsuit quite so much anymore

“Yeah….this isn’t as fun as I imagined it would be.  It’s worse.”

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