So, you want to start a diet? Well, that’s a great goal and getting started is always the easiest part. It’s when you’re in the middle of the grind when things really start to get tough. It’s when you’re craving a doughnut but have to say no. Or when you’re literally salivating over a plate of pasta but need to order a salad instead. When the going gets tough, do you get going? We’ll see! Here’s what being on a diet really feels like.
1. You realize you need to make some changes
You aren’t happy with yourself or your body…and even more importantly, you don’t feel healthy.
2. You ask yourself some tough questions
It can be really hard to know if you’re eating a whole and balanced diet. I mean, you want to eat cake a brownies, but you know you should really eat more carrots and lettuce instead.
3. You start telling everyone that you’re on a diet
So, basically that means you can’t eat what you actually want to eat.
4. You start having fantasies about your favorite foods
It’s like a daytime drama, but with delicious foods instead of sex scenes.
5. You start to realize something….you love food. All food. You should be able to eat it all!
So, you do. The good, the bad, the great, the not-healthy-at-all…and then you start feeling overly full and sickly.
6. Your conscience starts screaming at you for eating too much
You feel another wave of guilt wash over you...but you are just so comforted by eating.
7. Your friends start asking how your diet is going
You just tell them where to stick it– between chews, of course.
8. You realize that maybe you don’t want to lose weight after all
It’s a lot more work than you thought it would be and you never did wake up with pounds just melting off you. You can’t imagine living this way for months or even years at a time, depriving yourself of all you know and love for so long. It would be absolute freaking torture.
9. You start breaking down
You’re still sticking to your diet but it’s proving to be so much harder than you could have ever anticipated.
10. You start to feel like the first three letters in the word diet are going to be the death of you
Whoever came up with this word has done right by me.
11. You realize you need to kick it up a notch
Maybe adding exercise would be good for me?
12. People don’t want to know about your diet anymore
Nobody wants to listen to you complain. Go eat your salad and cry in the corner.
13. You decide drinking diet soda is good enough of a diet for you
Drink some Diet Coke and then eat whatever you’d like.
14. How you feel when you get dressed in the morning
It’s ok, don’t delude yourself— you’ll find love. Just maybe not as soon as you want to.
15. How you feel when eating vegetables
Um, please don’t make me do this.
16. When other people try to tell you what to do
Yeah, you can go screw yourself and I’ll just sit right here and enjoy my french fries, thank you very much.
17. You decide you’ll start that diet thing on another day
Because, who really wants to diet today? Nobody, that’s who.