“Sexy” Things That Really Aren’t Sexy At All

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There are so many things that have been sexualized by the media…things that we’re supposed to think are inadvertently sexy.  Well, now we’re speaking out– here are 15 “sexy” things that really aren’t sexy at all.

1. Kissing in the rain

You want this to be so hot and sexy…but really you’re freezing cold and wet and shivery.  After like two seconds of kissing, you realize this isn’t as fun as you always dreamed it would be.

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2. Eating a hamburger

Only Charlotte McKinney could make eating a giant hamburger look so incredibly sexual.  In real life, it’s not that way at all.

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3. Riding a horse

Have you ever ridden a horse?  It’s bumpy.  It’s also not sexy when your horse decides to stop so he can go poo….

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4. Going for a run

Going running is the opposite of looking sexy…I look sweaty, red-face, and out of breath…not in a good way.

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5. Getting it on in the shower

Sounds like a great idea and this seems to work in movies all the time…but in real life, someone always gets cold or doesn’t have the water on them or is sliding around or falling over.  It’s not sexy–it’s difficult!

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6. Wearing tons of lip gloss

I don’t know why I don’t look totally sexy when I put lip gloss on.  Mostly I just feel like my lips are very sticky and vulnerable.

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7. Washing a car

I don’t know about you, but the last time I washed a car, I didn’t use my boobs at all.  I used soap, a brush and a towel.

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8. Getting out of a pool

This is not sexy at all.  This is the moment when you hope no one is looking and also hope your swimsuit doesn’t get lodged clear up your butt as you try to discreetly exit the pool.

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9. Changing into something more comfortable

If by “something more comfortable,” you mean a t-shirt and sweatpants, then that sounds great.  If it’s a nightie or lingerie, that’s really not much more comfortable than what I already have on.

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10. Smoking

First of all, smoking is totally gross.  Secondly…wait, why is this hot?  Oh yeah…it’s not.

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11. Getting caught in the wind

This is soooooo not sexy.  Especially if you just put lipgloss on and your hair is blowing all over it.  Not a good look.

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12. Eating a popsicle

How is this sexy?  Come on, I’m just trying to enjoy my cold icy popsicle…all you creepers can just leave me alone.

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13. Pushing things off a table in a mad rush

This may seem like a good idea in the moment, but it really just creates an even bigger mess for you to clean up after.  Not worth it.

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14. Tearing off your clothes in the throes of passion

More like, you’ll realize you just ruined your favorite shirt after the fact and be seriously mad about it.

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15. Sex on the beach

No.  Don’t do this.  You’ll only feel lots of scratchy, dirty, wet sand all over the place.

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